Our kids are better kids than we were
Kids in Denmark are far more skilled today, than when I was a child. They have a better understanding of who they are. Are far better at expressing what they want. Think more deeply about things. And treat each other better and less crudely.
This is a general process that cuts across the barriers which otherwise divide children. No matter whether the kids are more or less gifted or come from better or worse homes, they have a sophistication that their parents did not have.
Better parents for each generation
The cause behind this phenomenon is that parents tend to get better for each generation. We are better than our parents, our parents better than our grandparents and so on.
This ´mechanism of improvement´ is something that is known from almost all areas of human society — and parenting included. Of course setbacks happen from time to time, caused by wars, political repression, economic downturn, environmental disasters and other factors. But in general, all things being equal, people improve their skills throughout their lives and new generations will be more advanced than the previous.
This is in no way a criticism of my parents´ generation — actually quite the contrary. I was born in Denmark in 1983. My peers and I, who grew up in the 80s and 90s, had an incredibly safe, stable and loving childhood, provided by some of the best parent generations to have ever existed.
This upbringing meant that kids from my generation — taken as a whole — grew up to become caring, respectful and very decent adults. These qualities we have taken with us in our parenting and have influenced our own kids with.
Then and now
The biggest difference, compared to when I was a kid, is that children today are much more self-aware. Children today have a reflective approach to themselves and the world. And they seek, rather than simply accept, answers about what they can and cannot do and about what is right and what is wrong.
When I was a kid, children didn’t ask themselves these questions. Back then, kids simply were, without asking why the world was the way it was. In school we politely did what the teacher asked us to do. At home, we ate without objection what was put on the table for dinner — and we went to bed when our parents said it was sleepy time.
Today on the other hand, kids question more or less everything, and then it is up to the grownups to have a proper answer ready. This way of conversing with kids means that they are constantly trained in independent thinking, and that they are practicing the ability to determine right from wrong, fair from unfair. In addition to this, it makes them feel respected as autonomous individuals, who cannot be bulldozed by others simply based on age and authority.
Children invited in
A main reason why kids are different today is because of the way they are included in alive and vibrant conversations with adults. This is particularly true at home, where kids grow up in decidedly democratic families, where parents actively encourage them to form their own opinions.
Compared to this, 80s kids grew up in a much more fixed setting where we received plenty of love, care and affection, but at the same time did not question our mom and dad´s words or decisions.
Also, parents today are extremely attentive towards their children. They worry gravely about their everyday well-being and will take action and fight for their kids, if they feel that something is not the way it is supposed to be.
80s parents on the other hand would be far less inclined to intervene, if there were problems with school or other situations with authorities involved. Kids would receive plenty of love and support at home, but when they were out and about they had to adapt to the existing rules and themselves handle any problems that arose (up to a certain point, at least).
Spoiled brats
Children of today, and their parents, have received their fair share of criticism. Apparently, parents don´t know how to raise kids anymore. Children don’t have any impulse control nowadays. And in school they are impossible to educate, won´t listen and talk back.
This type of criticism often comes from school principals and older teachers, who remember how it was back in the day, when little Jimmy and Anna did exactly as they were told.
That modern kids sometimes struggle fitting in at school is not surprising. Because up until they begin in 1st grade, they have been raised in a profoundly democratic setting, both at home and in the kindergarten. Where children for the most part are not forced to do things, are allowed to have an opinion and to pursue their interests.
This is fundamentally different to school, where kids of all ages are forced to sit and do stuff, which they have no interest in. Where children are not encouraged to form their own opinion. And where kids expressing dislike of doing something is frowned upon.
No wonder they get confused and fight back over this blatant inconsistency. And no wonder that old Miss Loretta, who remembers how easy it was to be a teacher to my obedient generation, often find them wildly annoying.
´Mooommmmmm!´
Most of the childish behavior, which kids today are accused of exhibiting, is shown at home with mom and dad. But this is exactly because it happens at home, where kids — at all times — have behaved differently.
Parents and children by definition have an ´unprofessional´ relationship to each other, and that these new generations will try to take advantage of the extra freedom, that they have been given, is only to be expected. This does not mean that parents should just give in. On the contrary, they should try to resist and to insist on what is fair and reasonable.
However, this more demanding behavior at home does not change that kids behave better in the arenas, where it matters the most — away from home. No matter whether we talk about other children, adults or simply how they carry themselves in the world, kids today behave in a more mature, considerate and thoughtful manner than my generation did.
Child today, parent tomorrow
Today´s kids will be tomorrow´s parents. And their upbringing indicates that they will become better parents than their own mom and dad — who themselves were some of the best ever.
The only thing that can prevent this is of course all the other factors that influence kids. This is particularly true for the education system, especially in the public sector, which is still based on outdated ideas that most of society have abandoned a long time ago.
Furthermore there is the possible danger of social media sites, whose focus on showing a spotless, but untrue version of oneself goes against the ´believe in yourself´ and ´you are good enough, as you are´-values, which the kids have been brought up with at home.
So the situation is not black and white — and the future is not linear. But all things considered, I remain optimistic about modern kids and believe that they will be even more responsible adults and even better parents, than we have been.
Good luck ruling the world, kiddo.
For more information contact Jens on globejens@hotmail.com or follow him on Academia.edu, Facebook, LinkedIn or YouTube.
